Have I Really Learned Anything From Blogging?

Being the awesome community-minded mage that he is, the Well-Red Mage started a wonderful new series that has sent sorely needed good vibes across the hostile internet. He extended an interesting question to the bloggers out there:

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I rambled a bit about the subject on his post, but after reading some great responses from other bloggers, I decided to do a post about it too.

Obligatory Sarcastic Answer:

That my wrong opinions don’t matter to anyone, and the vast majority of my followers are spambots, who just want me to follow their advertising websites back. Of course, I’m only (mostly) kidding! I swear my stone-cold sarcasm (both offline and online) is just a defense mechanism to hide my chaotic, overly sensitive feelings, and is never to be taken seriously and/or offensively…

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At least she knows exactly how I feel. Amen for that, sister!

Lengthy Overly Emotional Answer:

While I was pondering the Mage’s question, my overthinking brain was blindsided by a more pessimistic question: Why the hell am I even blogging in the first place? I mean, it’s time consuming, I’ll never get paid for writing it, I’m not getting many views (I peaked at 7 views per hour once), and my followers are mostly bots. Let’s face it, the awesome bloggers here are also infinitely better at gaming talk and reviews than I am. Surely I can waste my precious time on more valuable things, like beating HZD or working on my extrovert act so I can have a proper real life.

Well, I learned that my little blog is just a space for me to express myself, to the group of amazing people I’m grateful to know. Cary really hit this point home for me when I read this thoughtful response post to the Mage’s great question. For the record, every non-spam comment and “like” I get here truly means the world to me, and I want to sincerely thank anyone who has ever actually read my words (even if you just skim my posts I still appreciate it). When I thought about the Mage’s question further, I realized blogging has been a huge part of my life, and now it’s almost as important to me as video games are.

The pre-WordPress era

This isn’t my first blog. Many moons ago, the lonely outcast and secretly rage-filled 15 year old me started a user blog on a popular gaming website. It was a time when I had door-slammed my entire small teenage world, including the few friends I had. I retreated to my high school library on breaks to be alone with my misery, and to hide from constant bullying (some of the cruelest creatures on this planet are bitchy teenage girls that hate you simply for being different). I didn’t have a computer at home so I decided to start that blog one day, when the librarian dude trusted me enough to stop watching my computer usage (quiet people are far from innocent, FYI).

I was blessed to discover a great community of folks who shared a common interest. Before long, I had accumulated a respectable following of 641 people, and for the first time ever, it felt like I was (gasp) popular. I even had two of the website’s paid staff following little old me. Mind you, most people likely thought I was some cool gamer chick, when in reality I was just an “ugly loser” desperately looking for friends I could connect with. My first post on that GameSpot.com user blog was a hilariously misspelled blurb about waiting for Grand Theft Auto San Andreas to release. Apparently, the “bulldoser” vehicle looked very awesome to me. Thankfully, my writing style quickly evolved with my blog, and I also wrote a few well-received user reviews there too.

That community helped me get through the rest of my awful public school sentence. While I was still pretending to be the cool gamer chick online, offline me was playing awkward part-time soldier in the Canadian Forces Army Reserve Infantry, and struggling to learn how to become an Electronics Technologist in college. I soon graduated college and left the army to pursue a full-time civilian career. That blog still stayed with me through life, until something despicable happened that makes me hate EVERY popular video game website: community toxicity.

I can’t remember the exact details, but one of GameSpot’s paid reviewers gave her “wrong” professional opinion on a silly game. Witnessing all the shocking personal attacks and death threats against the poor woman made me drop that website, and my blog, without even so much as a goodbye post. LightningEllen has a rarely checked account there now, but my old username is going to my grave (you’ll never guess it either since it was long before I played FFXIII). No one needs to know what awkward teenage/young adult me had to say.

Enter wonderful WordPress

Fast forward to September 2015, skipping over A LOT of painful personal drama. Lightning Farron had recently saved me from my own savage demons, and her entire story had inspired me to become a better, stronger person, instead of giving in to my ultimate fate. I was (and still am) a happy adult outcast, but I started missing the old blogging routine. I knew I wanted to blab to the internet about video games again. However, I couldn’t bring myself to crawl back into the toxic GameSpot community. I tried out Google’s Blogger place, but I didn’t care for the UI. Somehow, I stumbled upon WordPress.com and fell in love with the website design features. It truly felt like my tiny chunk of the internet and a safe place to type in, especially with all the powerful moderation abilities.

Under my original Conquering the Gaming Backlog theme, my first post here was a review of Assassin’s Creed Rogue. My video game reviews are in the form of something I call a Post Playthrough Roundup. I really enjoy reading in-depth and highly detailed reviews from all the talented writers out there, but I have no ability at all to do that myself. I like writing quick and to-the-point reviews that come from the heart, without digging too far into a game’s technical details. Honestly, I spend enough energy thinking logically and being technical at work. I learned that writing and gaming is a release for my pent-up creative side. My Lightning Review section of the post is split up into 4 categories: Gameplay, Graphics, Sound, and My Overall Biased Opinion.  I have a rule where I can’t do more than two paragraphs per section. This often challenges me to cutout most of my ramblings (believe me, I can really babble on endlessly about the right topic).

The rest of my review post is a spoiler filled Memory Lane section where I can highlight anything I want to remember, share my stats, and ramble as much as I want to. I also like to do progress, first impression, and Amiibo addiction related posts. I wasn’t really expecting to get any followers when I started. I’d also be lying if I didn’t say a small part of me had a pipe dream of getting “discovered” and then being paid to write things someday. Later on, I had a bit of a blogger breakdown from failing to achieve my delusional video game backlog goals. In the aftermath I changed my blog theme to LightningEllen’s Release so I could go in a more personal direction. It made my already tiny traffic numbers dip significantly since I abandoned my “hook” (and of course very few people like FFXIII) but at least I enjoy typing things here again.

I would like to give a special shout out to my first 3 followers: a nice dude who doesn’t work here anymore, Particlebit, and the question-asker Well-Red Mage. I had the pleasure of watching the latter two grow into amazing bloggers, as I quietly rambled alongside of them. A few interesting interactions I’ve had with WRM are prime examples of why I love this wonderful community so much. Hopefully he doesn’t mind, but I’d like to call attention to them.

It’s no secret that the controversial Final Fantasy XIII trilogy is my favourite Final Fantasy experience (thus far), and that Lightning is a very, very special video game character to me. After I played the games, I was shocked and saddened to discover that much of the internet seems to have formed a lynch mob against Lightning, the “unfeminine Cloud clone”, for ruining the “once great” Final Fantasy series with her “terrible trilogy”. I’m sorry the games rubbed so many people the wrong way, but I love the direction Square Enix went with them, and I can’t say that many places without getting trolled into oblivion. I do respect anyone’s thoughtful opinions, and I can understand why so many people have valid issues with the games, even if I disagree.

Due to that special place Lightning has in my heart (I’ll remind everyone I have a tattoo of her on my arm now – that should say a lot), I tend to get defensive whenever I see any negative comments about her. Rage trolls aren’t worth my time, but I do like offering my counter opinions to civil human beings. I remember way back in July 2016, WRM was doing the “Favorite Protagonist” portion of the 31-Day Mage Challenge. I left a sarcastic response that Lightning was my favourite, expecting to get lightheartedly laughed at. In addition to that expected reaction, Mr. Mage also asked me to elaborate on why, since he disliked her character and was interested in seeing a counter opinion (now there’s a high level of understanding that I didn’t think was possible on the internet). My response was the first time I ever explained with words how important Lightning is to me. It also led me to meet another amazing blogger who had jumped into the conversation to support my opinion (my jaw literally dropped): None other than the legendary Shameful Narcissist herself.

More recently, I read Mr. Mage’s very critical review of Final Fantasy XIII. Seeing the negative opinions of a story and characters that are very special to me instantly triggered my defensive mode. I felt compelled to leave my wordy counter thoughts because WRM is a stand-up human being, and I knew he wouldn’t mindlessly bash me for my opposing views. The resulting chat was very informative, and it was nice to read the respectful thoughts of someone who disliked the game, for valid reasons (“cuz Lightning sux and its boring!!1! n00b LoLz” is NOT a valid reason to me).

My final answer to the question at hand

I learned that for me, blogging is all about interacting with the amazing humans that actually do exist out there in our cruel world. I often get caught up in my hate and fear of the internet’s rage trolls who attack many people without mercy. I was tormented, teased, and bullied a lot growing up. I bottled up all of that emotional pain because I wanted to be strong, instead of weak. I guess that’s why I’m secretly extra sensitive to the mindless hate mobs that run rampant online. In real life, I always wear an often misunderstood mask of indifference to hide my true feelings, just like my shero Lightning does. It’s a blessing to have this respectful place where I can let the real me have her say.

“Make my wish come true, let darkness fade to light
Show me there’s still hope, show me it’s not over
Battles we can win, our struggle lies within
Will we live to greet the dawn?
Love will not leave you, hate will not heal you
Promise me one day that peace shall reign”
The Promise (Serah’s Theme) from Final Fantasy XIII, and the song that helped me turn my life around.

I’ll leave off by saying that no matter what your personal blogging goals are, I wish everyone great success in your endeavors. Thank you all so much for letting me be a part of this inspiring blogger family. 🙂


Wannabe Writer’s Notes
-I’m considering revealing who my awkward teenage blogging self was by reposting her stuff here. If nothing else, those silly posts make me realize how far I’ve come, and it’s always fun to laugh at who you once were. Hmm, should I?
-NEVER let anyone else make you feel miserable for being who you are. We all have our own trials to overcome in life. Yes, sometimes they seem insignificant to what others are enduring, but nothing hits YOU harder than YOUR own personal problems. It’s okay not to be okay and to talk about what’s troubling you. There is no shame in reaching out for help when harsh reality brings you to your knees. That’s not a weakness, it’s a strength. Speaking from experience, sorrow and rage don’t like being bottled up together. They are very capable of bursting out with a vengeance, turning you into the self-destructive demon you are not.

80 thoughts on “Have I Really Learned Anything From Blogging?

  1. We aren’t so dissimilar, you and I – apart from me being maniacally evil and all. I empathize with and appreciate your reasons for blogging and what it has meant to you. And FWIW, I am grateful to have met you through it. 😈

    Liked by 1 person

  2. For what it’s worth, while I didn’t play the first two, I really enjoyed Lighting Returns and was considering giving it a spot in one of my ‘In Desperate Need of Love’ posts. It really didn’t get enough praise in my eyes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I always enjoy reading positive things about any of the XIII trilogy games, haha.

      I found Lightning Returns had a really steep learning curve for me, but the combat was so rewarding once I mastered it. Plus I thought it was very interesting to have a mechanic where you could make monsters extinct by killing enough of them. My biggest complaint was that the 13 day timer made me feel a bit rushed. It really added to the tense “the world is ending!” atmosphere though. I’m disappointed it didn’t get more praise too.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It was the battle system that first grabbed me with it, I must admit. I loved the way that worked and found it a lot more enjoyable than sot turn based systems. For me, the timer was a good thing too, largely because, as you said, it made the game tense in a suitable way.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “I’m not getting many views (I peaked at 7 views per hour once), and my followers are mostly bots.”

    Right…well. I frequently peak at 7 views per *day*, which I was generally ok with, but….Jesus, I’m really rubbish at this blogging malarky, innit!? 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That was just a weird peak I’ve never been able to climb back up since, haha. Your daily average makes me jealous, and you are an awesome blogger. Views are just a silly stat anyway. It’s all about the quality of your readers, not the quantity. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yeah, quality wise I can’t really argue. I’m not going to lie, though, I’d be willing to welcome a big old chunk of mediocre readers too; maybe hit that magic 10 readers a day milestone!! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Every time I come here I’m mesmerized by that animated Lightning header. And also, black background blogs are the best! 😉

    Why are so many online communities so toxic, huh? Like what do individuals get out of sowing distrust and hatred rather than encouragement and camaraderie? People are just very small. I guess they feel they need to tear down another person’s opinion in order to establish there own. I knew some of your story, the skeleton of it and not the details, and as we’ve mutually expressed before with our differing opinions I am still glad that you found a character that resonates with you and helped carry you through your difficult times in life. I’m honored to discover that our conversation was the first time you articulated why Lightning is so important to you. We can’t see eye to eye on the game itself but I can deeply respect the character’s significance in your life. Thanks for being so transparent in your post (and for not throwing me under the bus! hahah!)! I think in the name of transparency that you should share your very first blog post for all those years ago but that’s of course up to you. I’m embarrassed by a lot of my early work, beyond blogging, but it’s important I think to face it and own it. We’re all on the road to improving and I think you’re selling yourself short because I think you’re truly one of the “founding members” of our little WP community circle. You’re ubiquitous and friendly and articulate, not a rambler. Let’s triumph thoughtful and respectful discussions. We can face the hateful mob of the internet together! Thanks so much for your kind words! Thanks for participating!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Black background blogs FTW! 🙂

      I actually feel kind of bad for the toxic trolls, in a way. I can only imagine what terrible life situation they must be in. However, making others feel bad just so you feel better is a despicable thing to do. Encouragement and camaraderie helps everyone, and makes the world a much brighter place. We are all in this life thing together.

      I know Lightning didn’t resonate with you, and I really appreciate your respect for (and for making me realize) how important she is to me! Since then, I’ve learned a lot about how fictional characters can help real people. TSN pointed me to an article that explained that even though they aren’t real, our feelings for them are. It certainly makes me tread more carefully when I critique characters who don’t resonate with me. For example, I find Vaan from XII a tad boring, but someone out there could have a special connection with him.

      I’m seriously thinking about dragging out my old blog posts. We’ll see, haha. Thank you so much for your encouragement and support! 😀 I hope to keep growing in this wonderful community. Together we all might be able to conquer the troll mobs and turn the hostile internet into a nicer utopia.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s a rare empathy and compassion you’re showing for toxic onliners. Truth is we all have our struggles and hardships, which seem worse to ourselves since we’re the ones experiencing them, but there’s a lot of joy and goodness and benefits in life, especially in the West, that’s taken for granted. How ironic that those who live in the greatest physical comforts think it’s necessary to inflict verbal attacks and tear down opinions to make themselves feel better. In that respect, I have little patience for people railing against the unfairness of the world by taking it out on random strangers online when they probably have a lot to be thankful for, instead. Ah well, humanity. The plus side is we can each choose to be the kind of persons we want to be, and that includes inspiring others.

        I’m honored to imagine that I’m a small part of your story, somehow. Stories truly are incredible, aren’t they? There hasn’t been a character I’ve resonated with as strongly for some time, but stories really can help us make sense of the world around us. I’m fascinated in thinking that we tell stories as a race because of their value. They’re not time-wasters. And Vaan is boring haha! 😉

        I think we can accomplish whatever we like in life. We’ve been given natural abilities, yes, but we’ve also the tools and resources in our countries to stretch those abilities out as far as they’ll go. The world changes with just one person, with a small group of persons.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ve been told my empathy is my greatest strength, and weakness, haha. It’s so true! If our biggest problem in life is getting trolled on the internet for our opinions, and complaining about political correctness related issues, we are living in a utopia compared to what some other nations are surviving with. Yep, that humanity thing just makes me shake my head sometimes 🙂

        I imagine there is a person out there who has always felt boring, and Vaan speaks to them for that reason, haha. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I’m honored to have the Well-Red Mage himself commenting on my blog 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. So I’ve really been spending the past 16 hours trying to figure out how empathy could be a weakness… Maybe one could argue that it could potentially lead to personal harm but isn’t the point of empathy caring about the well-being and situations of others?

        Liked by 1 person

  5. 7 per HOUR?! That’s…that’s pretty awesome. I’m lucky to get that in a day! You’re doing great and I’m always happy to read what you’re posting. I can’t imagine the feeling of looking back at your teenage years blogs though. I’m barely able to look back at my first ever blog from a year ago!

    Whilst you’re reading this, why don’t you visit my sponsor: GiveRobMoney.com. Or something like that.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Loved your post! Made me consider playing FFXIII soon ^^ I love the fact you were so inspired by a character – I feel the same way about so many books and games I’ve read (i.e. they saved my life!). And high school girls can be the worst, spesh to anyone deemed OTHER/different. From one woman to another – I commend you. Takes mad mental warrior level skills to survive school…

    Now to look at Red Mage’s post and see how I can muscle in on this act…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much! If you do give FFXIII a go, I really hope you like it as much as I did. I’m glad you know how important fictional characters can be, and OMG high school just sucks… Mad mental warrior women unite! 😀

      I hope you do one of these posts too.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. There are some interesting similarities to my blogging history. I too have had several blogs over the last, oh, 17 years or so. Not all of them about the same things. And I dealt with a LOT of crap from people throughout Grade school. Pretty much every year from Nursery School to probably my Junior year of High school I had a nemesis. I’m not bitter about it, but you’re not alone in that regard. Of course my blog journey started well after High school, so the challenges weren’t exactly the same. But I can still relate. Fortunately, I have thousands of soulless bots who read my diatribes, and have no opinions about them. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow! Thanks for sharing your story. I definitely had a nemesis problem for much of my grade school career. Growing up is a difficult time for everyone, so I harbor no bitterness either 🙂

      I think I need to attract a few more soulless bots so I can feel better about my numbers, haha.

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  8. Dude, you never ramble. Your posts are sincere and approachable, and they are also very entertaining (which is a bonus in my book haha). I’m glad you found Lightning and that she helped you through things; I had a few brief chats with veryverygaming about the toxicity that can arise between schoolgirls, and I also know from personal experience that being the kid everyone picks on is never the most fun place to be. I also know from personal experience that it’s the quiet ones you have to look out for 😉 Glad the librarian didn’t know that…

    And you give some solid advice, LightningEllen. Your last thought reminded me of what Aveline says to Hawke after Hawke’s mother dies… the story she told about her father reading stories but Aveline always having the power to stop or continue the story, the whole “my choice” moral that she tells Hawke. Never let anyone tell you that you should feel something different than you are, and *you* are the one who always has the power to reach out and turn the page when/if you’re ready.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dude, thank you so much 😀 I really appreciate your support and understanding! I don’t know enough words to describe how awesome you are.

      Seriously, that’s a HUGE compliment coming from THE WordPress Goddess of Wisdom herself. Aveline was my favourite character in DA II! I really liked her bluntness and courage. Oh, and obligatory zombie mom cringe… Poor Hawke 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I loved Aveline, too! She was such a good friend… I had one playthrough where I raged at her after Hawke’s mom died, and she just stood there and took it. Eventually the option came up to ask her why she wasn’t getting angry back, and her response was something akin to, “If it helps you to be angry at me, then be angry at me.” It really struck a chord, because she was truly willing to do anything for her friend, and I always wonder IRL how many people would be willing to take getting blamed and yelled at for something not their fault, just because their friend needs someone to be angry at in order to keep themselves from falling apart… Anyway, the whole point was to say I love Aveline, too 🙂

        …and again with your flattery… 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I did the same thing on my Rage Hawke playthrough! (Sarcastic Hawke and Heroic Hawke were my other two playthroughs). She is the definition of a true friend and deserves so much praise. 🙂 On a side note, I really hate what my Rage Hawke did to Fenris (but I just had to see if that would actually happen, haha). That is definitely NOT what friends should do.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Were you talking about the Carolyn Petit review of GTA V??? I hated the trolls on that poor woman. She did probably the only genuinely critical review of the game at the time of release and there were PETITIONS calling for her sacking. So disgusting. I can see why you’d leave Gamespot after that. She gave the game a 9/10 for crying out loud!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YES!!! That’s the exact controversy I was talking about! Thanks for reminding me about the details. Not only did she give the game an honest “terrible” score of 9/10 (because it’s a sin to call the latest GTA game less than perfect), she had the nerve to mention some minor misogyny issues, a topic that she cares about, in her review. OMG the horror! The misogynist troll mob just couldn’t handle that apparently *rolls eyes* Like you said, it wasn’t just trolling, they were actually organizing their hate to get her fired. Disgusting is the right word for what happened!! It lowered my faith in humanity significantly 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This was really enjoyable to read and I learned a lot about you from it. I have had many websites (including some that are quite embarrassing to have out on the internet still after all of these years), though none were especially successful and I’ve also had a Livejournal for much of my high school years so I love to write and I love to have a website.

    With that said, doing whatever you want is most important. You can try to build a website to be successful and I will admit that has always been my goal with my site is to carve out a niche and deliver content that I think my audience wants or you can just to do it, have fun, and interact with people and not care who reads it. The community we’re in is incredibly kind and supportive so I think you’re in a great place to do whatever you want.

    I will always be happy to read interesting posts like this too! They tell us a lot about yourself which is why they are interesting and unique. Keep doing things your way and everything else will fall into place 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the encouragement! Now I’m curious about your embarrassing websites, haha. I’ve heard of Livejournal but never tried it out. It just feels awesome to have your own space on the internet with a website 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome! My Livejournal was kept in high school and college and was pretty angsty overall for some of the same reasons you described (feeling lonely, etc.). I don’t miss those days at all. I also had a Pokemon site I wrote while in middle school where I used exclamation points as the sole form of punctuation haha. I’ve definitely left my mark on the internet for the worse outside of my current site 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  11. lol, you know I do get self conscious about liking a post and then not commenting sometimes because I figure the author might think I’m a bot or something. Also, if I read the article and like, but don’t comment then I feel like I’m not helping the site out as much as I could. Lately it’s tough to find time to comment though because I end up wanting to write long comments like this one when I should probably just leave a short one. Now that summer has officially started for me though, it should be easier to be consistent. This blog’s definitely been a lot of fun and I look forward to reading about you triumphantly saving Hyrule and finally finding Lightning on the mobile!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always leave a Like on posts I read, but most of the time I just have nothing to add with a comment (or I spend way to much time blabbing in my comment, haha). I just started assuming the authors know I truly like their posts, and that I’m not a Spambot.

      Enjoy your summer! Thank you so much for your support 🙂 My fingers are crossed that FFBE’s RNG god will strike me with Lightning someday, haha

      Liked by 1 person

  12. In the end, you gotta write for you. Outside of being a paid writer somewhere, that’s the only way you’re going to get something out of it. Writing for the views, or writing with other people in mind, while it can give you temporary fulfillment, in the long run it’s not worth the time doing it. To really get something out of blogging, you’ve got to write in a way that fulfills you, not anybody else.

    The online gaming community turns toxic so quickly. I think I could understand why you left your former blog; I’ve abandoned ship on plenty of sites for that exact same reason. I know it’s not just videogames that this goes on in, but that really shouldn’t be something that goes on anywhere. It’s a natural, if disgusting, trait that most people are guilty of to some extent, having extreme reactions to someone else having ideas that challenge yours, but you would think that people would learn not to be assholes about it by the time they get handed the keys to the internet.

    It’s had me a little fearful of some hypothetical future where my corner of the internet actually becomes popular. I really enjoy chatting with people who are able to respectfully challenge my views when we disagree, but I think having the general internet rather than the community we’ve linked into here would really limit the amount of that going on in favor of the random dumb mudslinging when disagreement occurs.

    Ah, aren’t people great?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the inspiring words! Writing for enjoyment is much better than writing something you hate for views and/or money.

      A person’s true colours seem to show when they hide behind a username. Most of Video game communities I’ve seen are so toxic, but you’re right – it’s a sad problem most places on the internet.

      I really enjoy reading your posts, and I can see your hypothetical future easily turning into a reality (hopefully with no mudslinging). I really like how you’re doing a written walkthrough of Fallout too. Honestly, I’m not very into the video LPs (with a few exceptions for awesome people, haha), but I enjoy reading the written form of them. Not a lot of other bloggers do that either.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I love your posts and reviews. I think they show a bit of your personality and I enjoy getting your perspective. I think this post was a nice piece of insight into some of your motivations for blogging. lol I can totally relate to escaping to the library to get away from bullies because I did the same thing. In my hs kids would eat in the hallways next to their lockers in groups during lunch and I use to eat in front of mine until a group of girls started to throw their food at me and then acted like it wasn’t them. So, I spent the rest of my hs time in the library with some boys who played Magic.

    It sounds like the place where you started to carve out a little place of your own was pretty toxic. I would have left too. I’m glad you have a place now. I admittedly didn’t really start to blog until recently and when I tried to blog I embarrassingly treated it like a public diary, though much of social media doesn’t seem too different from that nowadays.

    I enjoy reading your posts. Keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! 🙂 Ugh! I have so many little painful stories like that from school. Looking back, the whole thing just seems kind of silly.

      I know my Facebook feed is definitely the perfect example of a people’s public diaries. I don’t think that some people realize that once you put something on the internet, it’s there forever, haha. 🙂

      I’m looking forward to reading what I should be hyped about this week on Geeky Talk!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I don’t think you’re blog is like a public diary at all. I hope you don’t think I think that! lol I just mean really personal and angsty but not much analysis posts, which is very different from your blog!

        Thanks for the support. lol I started the Weekly Hype because I got tired of trying to hunt everything down all the time that I’m interested in. A lot of times I miss things because I couldn’t remember it, but this way I actually have to do the work to write it down and look into it. That is one reason I have enjoyed doing reviews, especially of movies. It has actually helped my memory immensely! lol I use to watch movies and then completely forget everything that I just watched months later. I should do this for video games too, but I feel like writing words down for games is just so difficult, which is why I want to stream. But with living in the sticks, I’m not sure yet if our internet is fast enough right now.

        Take care friend!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No worries, I didn’t think that at all, haha 🙂

        That is exactly my motivation behind doing game reviews and game progress update posts. My memory is terrible, and I want to remember them. I do love writing about video games, for whatever reason. Good luck with you streaming goals! I grew up in the sticks so I understand your plight, haha.

        Take care too friend!

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Such a wonderful and inspiring post! I might have had more to say if I hadn’t read all the comments, haha. 🙂 It’s just cool to see such support and all-around love among bloggers, no matter our disagreements or personal opinions. May your blogging future be a bright and happy one!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I really enjoyed reading this post. I’m glad that blogging has been a positive outlet for you throughout your life. I kept a handwritten journal until the end of high school and had at least two other blogs in my life that were not gaming-related, but I’ve landed happily here on WordPress and intend to stick around for a long while. I’m glad you’ll be here too!

    I think what’s really great about you and your posts is that you’re genuine and polite with your words and ideas. Your sense of humour really shines through too, so please keep doing what you’re doing. I like it. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Loving these Insights!
    “I tried out Google’s Blogger place, but I didn’t care for the UI.
    Somehow, I stumbled upon WordPress.com and fell in love
    with the website design features. It truly felt like my tiny chunk
    of the internet and a safe place to type in…” ◀️⚡️🧠🤯🔮💯

    Long time reader of the blog, keep doing your own thing! 🌈

    Liked by 1 person

  17. What an amazing post o.O It took me this long to get to it because my past few weeks have been ridiculous with their business, but I kept it in my email, because I knew one day I’d get to it. *blushes furiously* Aw me not so legendary *says in Cookie Monster voice* I DO remember that though! I’ll have to admit…I was adding to the tide of internet trollism (is that a word?) for FFXIII without ever having played it, because I’ll often fall into this peer pressure hole of only listening to the critics without experiencing something for myself. It KEEPS happening, and I should know better. Hell, if I listened to them, I’d think FFVII was overrated and FFIX was stupid. While I noticed a decline in FFXII, though I did enjoy the game and it was worth my while to play, I haven’t played XIII yet, and the person I listened to most about it is kind of…well not a great authority. He likes X-2;s dress sphere! This is not a person I should be taking video game (or fashion advice) from! I think I jumped to your defense because your love of Lightning reminded me of my love of Sephiroth, and regardless what I might have (erroneously) thought of the game, that kind of feeling for a character is deep, involved, personal, and precious. You have to constantly defend Lightning for a lot of sexism/trollish reasons and tbh I have to defend Sephiroth for similar (“He looks like a girl!” in addition to him being a villain. I’m also very intolerant of people who bash what others like so long as they’re not liking horrible things like, oh, genocide. My two work BFFs loved Twilight, and I even curbed my dislike of that (though I have valid reasons to dislike it) because there’s no reason to be an ass. This is of course not to say WRM was. In fact his assessment of things is very insightful, and his question about “Why do you like her?” was of genuine curiosity. I’ve had my mind changed about things by doing the exact same.

    I think blogging is both inherently selfish and inherently selfless. You’re talking about yourself in a public place, which could be seen as narcissistic (hi! *waves*), but by doing so, you are making yourself so vulnerable, and as someone else who’s been irreparably hurt by the barbs and stings of the world, I understand how much of a risk that is. I also never expected to find this kind of community on WP, though Mr. WRM thinks it’s a bit TOO nice lol, and in a way I agree. I’ve seen debates happen here, but not vicious disagreements and flame wars. Though he’s jumped in the fetid waters of Reddit, a place I dare not go. I’m not ready yet! WP has actually taught me how to disagree and also how to see others opinions as not a personal attack. There was a recent article by another blogger buddy about why she doesn’t like Final Fantasy. A few years ago, that would’ve sunk a stone in my gut and I’d have gone on the defense, but now, I read the article, understood her point, liked it, and commented on it. Now granted she’s given X a try and likes it, but even if she hadn’t, I’ve come to understand that everything isn’t for everybody, but that doesn’t mean what you love isn’t valid! Though I do think there is inherent goodness/badness in art, there are also going to be things that speak to one person and not to another and those parts may make a particular individual more forgiving of foibles and flaws than another. Like Transformers aren’t considered the height of cinema, but it’s very possible those films means as much to someone as FFVII does to me, so while I’ll still hold my critiques of them (and tbh I actually like the first and second plus the score is amazing!), I’m not going to rain on that persons parade. In the words of an internet philosopher, “Let people enjoy things.”

    Well…I’ve rambled enough in your comment section so I’ll finish it with a mushy I’m glad I saw that Lightning post on WRM’s blog and commented so that I can be friends with an amazing blogger (don’t sell yourself short!), and then I’ll finish with a glib (because NOOO emotions!) declaration that the fight between our two champions would be EPIC.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! 🙂 I really appreciate you dropping by my blog since I know you are so busy with a TON of awesome projects. You are most definitely a legendary blogger, and you can’t convince me otherwise. I love the word trollism (I don’t care of it’s real or not, haha). Honestly, I may have jumped aboard the FXIII hate train too, but I played the games without knowing anything about them, including other opinions. I just found the original in a discount bin at Walmart and thought: “Hey this looks cool and I haven’t tried a FF game lately.” I also thought that Sephiroth was just the evil boss to beat at the end of FFVII, but you really showed me how amazing he is (so thanks for that!). I’m dying to find out what you truly think of FFXIII. It’s possible I’m just blinded by my special connection with Lightning and the story, but I know I loved the combat and didn’t even notice the linearity everyone keeps complaining about *shrugs*

      You’re right! Blogging is very selfish in that regard (The Shameful Narcissist should know about that topic, haha). I don’t like being vulnerable so that’s why I will always have at least 10 posts in perma-draft state. WP has helped me open my mind more to opinions I don’t share. I don’t think I’ll ever be brave enough to go to that brutal Reddit arena. Ultimately, we all have our own unique tastes in games, characters, and other media. I’ve learned it’s important to respect things I don’t like in case someone else has a special connection with it. I’m even going to give X-2 another chance (I’m really not a fan of the dress sphere and their outfits though)

      You have not rambled here at all. You are always welcome to say whatever you want here 😀 I’m grateful to have met you, and yeah that would be the most epic fight ever!! I wonder who would win… It would likely be a draw since they are both the best, haha.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I often think I might be blinded by my love for Sephiroth, but I think both of us are self-aware enough to realize if we were. At the very least we’re questioning it and constantly thinking about it. As much as second guessing yourself is irritating, it does keep you on your mental toes.

        I’m going to give X-2 a chance, er, too lol. It’s on my play/replay schedule so I’ll get to it eventually.

        I’ll have a better opinion once I’ve played XIII! There’s nothing better than a good “Who would win in a fight?” contest/discussion re: flamewar.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I almost kind of want to do one lol. Not a flamewar good lord no, but a “who would win in a fight” and just hash it out in the discussions. I think us and our blogger friends are mature and polite enough to do it, get our viewpoint across, and not burn anyone’s page to the ground lol. And a little bit of shit talking among friends can be fun :p

        Liked by 1 person

  18. We have so many fond memories of Final Fantasy & have always
    preferred the dynamic heroines missing in SO many video games.
    Yuffie from FF7 in particular, we played 8 & 9. But it wasn’t until X-2
    that our full love affair evolved. Your love for Lightning transcends
    the internet ⚡️& it is a joy to follow your online adventures & insights.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Is this a bad time to say that I’ve never played a Final Fantasy game? I feel like I’ve missed out! Needless to say, you won’t get any criticism from me for your gaming preferences. You like what you like, simple as that.

    Keep up the great work!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. This is such a great post! What a shame about the trolls ruining your Gamespot.com experience. I just don’t understand why people feel the need to leave such negative comments and be so hateful. I’m so happy that there is such a wonderful community here on WordPress!

    I, for one, would love to see your earlier blog posts. After digging through all my early blogs last week when I posted my response to the Mage’s excellent question, I think it would be fun to read how other people started out as well! 🙂

    Keep doing what you are doing girl! And fuck the people who bullied you growing up. Don’t ever let anyone break your spirit 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It seems like some people just get enjoyment from making other people feel bad. Despicable! 😦 I love this wonderful WordPress place so much.

      I think I might do it! I saw your older stuff in your post so it gave me some courage, haha. My early blog is full of spelling errors and excessive usage of “!” It just goes to show how much we grow over time.

      Thank you girl! I am who am I. If anyone else has a problem with that, too bad 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree… I’d like to peek inside those people’s heads and see WHY they like hurting other people just for fun! I get really sad when I hurt someone’s feelings on accident, so I can’t imagine doing it on purpose.

        Haha yeah my old blog posts were kind of silly, but fun to look back on! We definitely do grow over time. And I think I probably still use too many exclamation marks, so don’t worry! (see, there’s one right there lol)

        And you are welcome! Keep being you and that’s all that matters! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  21. A wonderful post! =D
    I just received another of the many likes that you left on my blog and I ended up thinking if I ever visited your blog to see who’s the person that seems to like what I like to do. The answer was this post and couldn’t be more amazing. I will sure try to keep up with your future posts, reading first before leaving a like.
    I don’t exactly have an opinion on Lighting. Still didn’t play any of her three games. I confess I didn’t get very interested on her tale. There where other characters within the game that capture my eye. Perhaps I might grab FFXIII during this

    Liked by 1 person

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